Wednesday, May 09, 2012

A glimpse

I'm planning on going back and retro-tagging all of my blog posts (wish me luck) so that my new LinkWithin function might have a better hope of being more accurate. As of right now, its connections are very . . . random.

In perusing over my past posts, trying to figure out what my tags will be, I ran across this one that I never did publish. I think at the time I thought it was too dark for the public. Since it's almost a year later and I'm in a totally different place, and since there are still many, many people who are in the dark place, I thought I'd go ahead and post it. If you're in the dark, trust me: there is Light to be found. Talk to someone.

From 6/17/11
*When I was first diagnosed with depression, my doctor talked to me about creating space for myself, finding the things that helped me climb out of the pit. Among these things, of course, was writing. And so writing about depression is my way of holding it at a distance, observing it, and creating space for myself in that distance.

The colors aren't as bright. The edges are duller, ground down by the file of chemicals gone awry in my brain. "Great" can only ever be "good," or even just "okay." I don't experience things as fully as I know I can.

And if I didn't know any better, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. After all, there are still colors. There is still "good." But I do know better. And in the midst of the emotional soup, the lacking is a constant thread of sadness.

I know better. I want better. I miss "better."

1 comment:

Jennie Quillen said...

Thank you for sharing this. Your words resonate with me deep in my core and I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this.