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Friday, August 15, 2008

Bittersweet

When Noah was a baby--probably around 6 to 9 months--he was sleeping in my bed with me. I remember laying next to him, staring at his smooth, plump baby face, when he stretched and his little, chubby hand landed gently on my cheek. It was such a sweet moment, and I burned it on my brain so I would remember.

This morning Noah was sleeping in my bed with me. I was laying in bed trying to wake up when I rolled over to see what he was doing. He sat up and said, "Hey, mama." Then he gave me a big hug and a kiss, and bounced off the bed to get some cereal. It was such a sweet moment, and I can't help but see it as a bookend.

Today is my last day as a stay-at-home-mom. Noah goes to school in a little more than a week and I am going back to work full-time. I start work in the Modern Foreign Languages department at Baylor on Monday. I'm still a little apprehensive about how I'm going to juggle work, school, and ultimately, family and home: I remember with trepidation my work experience five years ago, which was one of the most stressful times of my life. But more and more I'm believing (and trying to believe) that this current job is a good gift.* It will be an incredible financial help--the amount of money I bring in to the household coffers will just about triple--and it's truly overwhelming to think of being financially stable, even well-off by our standards. We've been married almost ten years and financial struggles have pretty much been a constant. It's such an incredible sense of relief to crunch the numbers and see them work out in our favor, and I am clinging tenaciously to the general sense of peace I've felt in the past week about going back to work, and the specific peace I've felt about this job.

But aside from all that, this really is an ending to a chapter in my life. I don't fully appreciate it emotionally right now (which is probably a good thing), but I want to burn it on my brain. I have loved staying home--loved it--and I am so grateful that I was able to do that. At the same time, I'm actually looking forward to this next chapter even though I know I will need all the emotional, mental, and spiritual sustenance the Lord can provide (which, thankfully, is considerable).

It really is bittersweet.

*Matt. 7:11

2 comments:

Jennie Lynne said...

What a sweet moment with Noah!! In my experience, the milestones in life are always bittersweet. But, I guess that's what makes you realize that life is pretty darn good!
Congratulations on the new job!!

Anonymous said...

I am sooo glad that you got the job!! I just had a good feeling and with everything that went into you not getting the other jobs and that incredible interview answer (but seriously) there has to be a great reason that THIS one worked out. I am so excited to see what the "plan" is for you all. ~L