Tuesday, October 26, 2010


So once more, projects to the rescue. Reading over that linked post, I was struck by how similar I feel these days: heavy-laden, overburdened, discontent, uneasiness, agitation. Except this time, it's not from having too much on my plate; it's from having too little.

It's frustrating, this whole depression thing, because I had expected it to go away eventually after life got easier. And by easier, I mean "graduated and got a job." Yeah, funny how things don't always work out how we think they will. It's been almost 5 months now that I've been (largely) unemployed, and that certainly was not the plan. The uncertainty, guilt, stress, fear, and spiritual/mental exhaustion threaten to consume me daily, sometimes hourly. I've been clinging to every glimmer of peace and hope I can find. There are days I will play a certain song over and over until it's burned into my consciousness. Our fridge is filled with verses I've printed that promise peace, love, provision, good plans, hope, a future. I watch my new shoots daily for signs of blossoms. I drink in blog posts over at A Holy Experience.

And yet the fear lingers close, waiting to pounce. We are still without a job. I've applied for two jobs now at Baylor and we're just waiting to see if I get an interview. More waiting. I'm so tired of waiting. Hence the newest project. It's part distraction, part head-and-hand occupation, part enjoyment, part thrifty-earth-mother.

I'm sewing a quilt for Aaron.

He requested one, oh, at some point during the years I was making Halle's quilt. I don't remember which torn garment was the first to be saved, but I began accumulating his old clothes instead of throwing them out. See, Aaron wears clothes until they are literally falling apart. Then I patch them. Then he wears them out again. So by the time they've made it to the scrap pile, generally even Goodwill wouldn't take them. That's not true for all of the fabrics in this pile, but it is for most of them.

Clockwise in a spiral from the top left: shorts, shirt, pajama pants (worn by Aaron and then me), shirt, shorts, sheet, shirt, shorts, pillow case, sheet. I feel simultaneously pioneer woman-esque (not the blog) and hipster for repurposing these fabrics.

And this is the first completed square. I love the color scheme; it was completely unintentional. Aaron's really excited about it, too, which is great. I started working on ripping seams and cutting squares on Saturday afternoon. With his help, it was all done and this square sewn by yesterday evening, which is MUCH faster progress than I made with Halle's quilt (which took. . . three years?). The plan is to have it done by Christmas, even though I keep saying that will depend on whether I get a job.

In the meantime, though, I sew.


andreajennine said...

Very cool! Great colors.
Have you ever read Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd-Jones? I always hesitate to suggest books I haven't read, but a friend who struggles w/ chronic depression has mentioned it as a significant and helpful read. Just thought I'd pass the title along.

Chris said...

Love the whole project idea. I always found sewing to be very gratifying - it's so fun to say "Look what I made!" to one's self and to others. The fabrics are great and come together so nicely!