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Monday, December 18, 2006

Good night, sleep tight

Noah just woke up crying, and so, since I'm not in bed (I've been trying to find a place I can get 3.5 x 5 prints, and it turns out I can't. Well, I can, but it's complicated.), I took him back into his room and rocked him and sang to him. I haven't done that in a really long time. It was a very bittersweet experience. It seems so silly, but I had some of that inexplicable queer ache. I don't want to overdramatize the experience, because it's not like I was overcome with emotion or anything, but it was the first time in a while I've really just sat and held my baby (who is NOT a baby anymore). I was thinking about when I used to get up in the middle of the night and sit in the rocker to nurse him, and while I certainly don't miss waking up in the middle of the night, I do miss those quiet times when I was forced to sit and do nothing (and when HE would do nothing), and we would just BE together. I don't have very many more times of sitting in the rocker with Noah, and it makes me a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I am very aware of the intense blessing that exists in my brand of sadness, but it is sadness nonetheless.

3 comments:

hoesayfina said...

so sweet. and what a blessing to realize that this may be the last time you get to rock your sweet baby. it's so sad, but so bitter sweet---all at the same time. i do try to enjoy the fact that i can still pick Ben up. One day i just won't be able to. Don't get me wrong.I don't really want to pick him up most of the time, but when i realize that i am because i can it gives me a little joy.

Rishi said...

These moments of parenthood are just so precious.

Praise God that He sometimes "makes" us experience and see just how precious they are!

I was trying to set something up yesterday, and Ellis kept wanting to climb on me. I was very annoyed and frustrated. But moments like him wanting to climb on me won't last much longer, and I need to enjoy them now!

Mark said...

There were weeks (maybe months) during Haven's first year of life when the only time I felt I touched God was sitting in the dark singing to Haven while she drifted to sleep in my arms.